Does Death Make You Uncomfortable?

One year ago:
Every waking moment was spent in that little hospital room,
but she was alive.

Now:
I come and go as I please,
but she’s gone.

I am not myself these days.
I’m too busy missing her
to focus on me.

Sorry if I’m a bitch.
It’s been a rough year.
And the fact that it’s been a year
makes it so much harder.

Maybe I’ll boycott Christmas this year.
My first without her.
Why celebrate that?

I wish I was a hermit.

Next Semester

Okay so my school schedule for spring is all worked out. Here’s what it looks like.
Monday
9:00am-9:50am :: US History from 1865 :: ESSC 255
12:00pm-12:50pm :: Elementary French :: LANG 211
1:30pm-2:50pm :: Physical Geology :: ENV 125
Tuesday
11:00am-11:50am :: French Lab :: LANG 109
12:30pm-1:20pm :: Elementary French :: LANG 215
Wednesday
Same as Monday
Thursday
3:00pm-4:50pm :: Geology Lab :: ENV 361
6:00pm-7:50pm :: Theatre Appreciation :: RTFP 135
8:00pm-9:50pm :: Theatre Appreciation Lab :: RTFP 135
Friday
9:00am-9:50am :: US History from 1865 :: ESSC 255
12:00pm-12:50pm :: Elementary French :: LANG 211

I know, it’s kind of weird, and not the most convenient schedule, but it’s the best I could do with the classes I wanted to/could take. Mostly it’s just because three of my four classes require labs. Oh well.

Last night was so much fun. I went to Eisley’s with Kirby, Nina, her boyfriend Jordan and their friend Kyle, Melisa and her friends Destiny and Derek, AJ and his friend, and Allison. I had never really hung out with any of the other than AJ and Kirby, and I had never even met a bunch of them. We just hung out and got to know each other for a while and eventually me, Kirby, Allison, Nina, Jordan and Kyle decided to go to iHop. We got crappy service, as usual when I’ve gone with that many people, but it was a lot of fun. I haven’t hung out with a big group like that in a long time, so it was nice.

This update is really boring so away I go to read Entertainment Weekly.

Rat Race: Yes, I Kept It

Two cute guys sat in my section tonight. When I was clearing their table after they left, I noticed that they left their receipt on the table with the word “hottie” written on it. Danielle thinks they left it there as a “hey, you’re hot” kind of thing, since they were flirting with me the whole time. I think it would’ve been more effective to write “thanks, hottie” or something along those lines. Or to write it on my credit card slip that I was guaranteed to find. So I’m not so sure it was directed at me. Either way… weird. Amusing, but weird.

I’m an Inconsistent Shopper

I am loving this weather. Sixteen days into October and it’s finally starting to feel like fall. I love Texas for the most part, but I can definitely do without 90° fall days.

Annie and I went shopping for a little bit today. I got some great brown boots that I may or may not keep, a shirt I still haven’t tried on, and six pairs of earrings (Claire’s was having a buy two get one free sale, and I have no restraint). I still need to get a shitload of warm clothes although I’m not sure yet exactly what I need. I need to get all my winter clothes out of storage and go through them.

Whoa midnight already? Shit. I need to go take a shower and go to bed.

An Hour at the Park

Young couple having picnic under tree at the top of the hill. White SUV pulls up – young couple in matching white outfits with a pale yellow dog. Dog off leash – can’t catch the ball, even when it’s not moving. Disappear over hill as picnicking couple leaves. Middle-aged couple. Man on cell phone, woman being ignored. Up the hill to the water tower. Standing, talking. Arguing? Older man, business casual, pushing little boys on he swings. Joined by older woman – “Mimi, can you help me?” Middle-aged couple down hill. Woman on phone, then off. Not arguing, but also not affectionate. Yellow truck. Hispanic man out, into white SUV. Both leave, opposite directions. One of the boys swings alone while the others slide. Where is Mimi?

Sometimes Things Just Click Into Place

By the first of next month, I may not be living at home anymore.

The Boy and I found a place we like, and it’s going to be available in two to three weeks. We haven’t seen the actual apartment yet because the previous occupant just moved out yesterday, but I’m going to call next Monday and set up a time to go check it out. I’m really excited about it but I don’t want to give away any details in case things work out the way I hope.

This week is crazy for me. On Wednesday I have my three classes until 12, a lab from 1-3, and an observatory lab from 7:30-9:30. Then I work Friday night, a split double on Saturday, and a double on Sunday. I’ll probably bank at least $300 over the weekend. It’ll be exhausting though. I’m nervous about my Saturday morning shift because generally you have to wait tables there for at least four months or so before you’re scheduled for one, and there’s a good reason for that. This past weekend, Avery said that at one point he had 13 tables at one time. To give those of you who haven’t worked in a restuarant before a frame of reference, the average section is six tables at a time. Am I ready for that? No. Not at all. But I’m covering somebody’s shift and there isn’t anyone else who can, so I’m going to try anyway. At least I know I’ll make a lot of money just from the sheer number of tables I’ll have.

Fantastic!

I’m going to Costa Rica!

Well, actually, I don’t know that for certain yet, but I am going somewhere cool and exotic next summer with International Student Volunteers. I really want to do sea turtle conservation in Costa Rica or work with Spectacled Bears in Ecuador.

It’s two weeks of volunteer work and then two weeks of adventure travel (such as jungle rafting, zip-lining, rock climbing, and snorkeling). I have to come up with close to $4000 but I’m not too worried about it. ISV helps you get sponsors, plus I’ll just work a lot of doubles at the PHouse, ask for strictly money for Christmas, and buy pretty much nothing other than food and gas. It can be done! The way I look at it, if I were to pay for airfare straight up (without the ISV group discount), 4 weeks worth of lodging and food, and two weeks of guided adventure travel, it would cost me much more than $4000. Plus getting to make a difference by volunteering with these amazing programs… I’m definitely there. Getting to travel the world is one of my life dreams and this is one hell of a way to start.

I’ve been doing a mental happy dance all day because of this.

Convincing Myself

I just ordered a 3/4-sleeve top, 4 pairs of undies, and a bra from American Eagle. I usually don’t shop there because it’s too expensive on my college kid budget, but I got all of the above for a mere $36 thanks to a combined 35% off and free shipping. I know I need to be saving my money, and I am! Right now I’m pretty much only buying things I really need (although the Philosophy Purity face wash is somewhat of an exception, but it’s supposed to be really good and besides I got a free sample of DiorShow mascara, which I’ve been wanting to try but not for the crazy price it retails at). Plus I’ve managed to save about $400 since I started at Prairie House, so there.

Besides, a good deal like that helps make up for the fact that my brand-new (albeit very cheap) printer does not print.

I have a reading test in US History tomorrow. First test of the semester, whoohoo. I think I’ll do pretty well on it since it only covers 4 essays, 3 of which I read thoroughly and one of which I tried to read thoroughly. At least it’s not over the notes, since I skipped that class – and Mass Comm – the last two times. I’ve been really bad about going to class this week. Monday I didn’t go at all, Tuesday I went to both my classes, Wednesday I only went to my astronomy class, and today I only went to my health psychology class. I also skipped and rescheduled a lab twice (it’s on the 27th now and I will not – CANNOT – reschedule it again). The first time was because I was late thanks to Zeus getting out of the house and today I blew it off to have dinner with Ellen, Chris, Megan, and Megan’s roommate. It was a lot of fun although I did feel a little guilty about skipping my lab for it. Next week I’m making a point not to miss any classes since skipping is not a habit I want to get into. Just gotta keep my mind focused on a 3.0 GPA.

Also, eight months today… RIP♥

Watching My Back

I found out Monday night that a girl I knew died of an overdose this weekend. Heroin or coke. She was only 22.

Yesterday my sociology professor anounnced that his dog had been hit by a car that morning and died.

Tomorrow is the eight month anniversary of my mom’s death.

It is not a good week.

No Gender, No Name

I got a new car yesterday! It’s a dark green 1997 Saturn SC1, which is a cute little 2-door coupe. I love it! I’m only spending $108/month on it, which I can earn in pretty much one Saturday night or two weeknights at work.

Also my computer keeps making a weird popping sound and de-selecting (is that a word?) whatever window I’m in. It’s really annoying when I’m trying to type something and pop! My window isn’t selected anymore. I’m going to run a virus scan today to figure out why it’s doing that.