Remembering

My mom would have been 53 today.

The thing they don’t tell you when you lose somebody is how much it hurts to remember. I’m screaming in my head because there are so many memories flashing around and all I want to do is go back to them, just to have another day with her.

This is so hard.

Amazing

Last night was as close to perfect as any night I’ve had in a long time. Kirby and I spent all night together, watching movies and listening to the rain as we drifted in and out of sleep. It was normal and relaxed and just what I needed.

I realized just how amazing it is that I’ve grown to trust somebody so completely. If he were to tell me the trees were leaking Pepsi, I would know without a shadow of doubt that it was the truth. He is quite honestly the only person I’ve ever allowed myself to be entirely vulnerable in front of. I’ve given him myself in every concievable way – a gamble, to be sure, but one well worth it. In return he’s given me his heart. He’s allowed me to break it and to piece it back again and in the process, we’ve somehow constructed a bond beyond what I can explain here. Simply put, it’s love.

Love Is Not a Competition

“Night, love you lots,” he says.
“Aww,” I think. “Love you more,” I say.
But it’s too late; he’s gone.

Maybe somethings are better left unsaid.